Posted in 2018

Peering into the Soul💫

03880C62-4980-4E21-BA7F-4FC6D036252FThis has been a long, devastatingly hard week since the passing of my daughter Stephanie. If there is any light at all, it is to be found in family who have taken time to support me. One particular person is my brother Les. His support and willingness to do the hard tasks will always be remembered in my heart.

We’ve been having lots of opportunity to reminisce as siblings do and during one of our conversations he told me about an occasion when he worked as a councillor at our church camp, with children who had various disabilities. One boy, he remembered, probably about 15 years old at the time, in an advanced stage of multiple sclerosis was confined to a wheelchair. My brother assisted him by pushing him around to meals and various activities. He couldn’t play softball but he liked to watch, and my brother said he stayed with him so he wouldn’t have to be alone.

The conversation turned to the ocean, the boy lamented that he had never been to the waters edge of a beach. The beach wasn’t easily accessible for a wheelchair. There were a lot of stairs to navigate. Les told the lad…”I can take you down the stairs….but you ain’t coming back ….haha” He laughed.

The boy continued, He hated being a bother to people, as if others had made him feel that way and Les said, “that it was no problem for him.”

Smiling up, He said to Les, “Everybody has a problem, it’s just that you can see mine.”

My brother, with the same kindness he showed to me this week …found a way to honour the boy’s desire. He said… I know a place… there was another access 3/4 mile away and he pushed the boy all the way there. Because He couldn’t get out of the wheelchair, Les cupped water in his hands,  the boy tasted it and thought it was pretty neat.

As the sun was setting on another day, they slowly returned to the camp for supper. As Les helped him get ready for the meal, the boy asked….”Soooo, how does feel to be hanging out with a * gibble* ? Les said “Funny you should ask. I’ve always wanted a friend that was a *gibble*. Now I have one.

38 years have passed since that conversation, with its triumphs and failures, ( more of the latter he says) yet the memory of that day remains clear.

I think Confucius said it best: ❤️

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.

Posted in 2018

You were built from the Stones🥀 RIP

You were built from the stones

No proof needed, open ended

But before you go off aimlessly

Wandering through the forests

Of sandalwood, and high places

I will take off my glasses

Watchful as a big cat

For the sound of footprints

Lest on too close sight, I miss this

Darling illusion, which struck fear and terror into me.

The art of losing is not too hard to master

I desired my dust to eventually mingle with yours

Anticipating the splash,

The forsaken cry ,  a rock skipped on water

Rippling, then smoothing the Holy surfaces

Knowing that I have left mine too late

Misjudged your frailties

What draws friends together

To never be alone forever.

Posted in 2018

It was suicide. Farewell my dear child vcl2018

I want to scream, and scream . And scream some more.

I want to grab those flowers, rip them petal by petal

crush them under my heel

order them to leave and never return

But I cannot. I dare not.

For all my crushing and ripping

has released the sticky-sweet aroma that death brings

the memory of wizened old aunts and grandparents

linger in the ancient air…..exposed in all its fragility.

Woe, o Woe,  how can it be so young to choose

eternity.

 

 

 

 

Posted in 2018

Happy. Vcl©️

My eyes are closed

Words rattle

Round and round

Seek to escape

Long to express themselves

Larger than life

Squeeze, stretch

Through the almost shut door

Of night

Tight.

Shut out the world

All cancerous words

I cannot bear the sight

Shake those happy letters

From the dreamland tree

Shake them free

Gaze upon their transparency

As they arrange themselves

Hope shines bright

Right .

Posted in 2018

Stuck in Concrete Walls vcl©

I am stuck in concrete walls/  nothing natural / I press the remote button / nature sounds emanate / from the lonely TV / stretched out on the wall.

Crickets, bird songs, cicadas trill / basking in the warm summer sun /not real / but the memories of real / somehow soothe my soul.

The sonorous splash of waves / that beat upon the shore / the screech of hungry gulls / intersperse the musical crescendos / seed heads of wind tossed crabgrass jiggle / the surfer intently gliding /all crashing down /to silence.

My heart aches / for the generations to come / who will have no real memory / and are forever stuck /beating against concrete walls.