Posted in 2018

I had no words vcl©

Today I wanted to hold

your hand

Not chain your soul to the chiseled blocks

of raw silence

promises so brittle

blown away

come and gone.

 

I had no words

they vanished

one by one at the news that you had left

had just been passing through

I had no sound

my words evaporated

to the ground

to the silent earth

conjured up prayers

that taste like stale communion bread

on my tongue

seeking nourishment for

my soul.

 

*Aztec stone sculpture

Posted in 2018

Words that sting have a way of lingering ~ vcl©️

Let me ask you this: What’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to you? How quickly can you recall this memory? Now try this one on: What are the most hurtful words anyone’s ever said to you? What about instances where the words uttered weren’t even intentionally mean, but they still stung deeply? I suspect this list would be the longest. Words that sting have a way of lingering.

My daughter’s untimely death has caused me to remember conversations, especially in the final weeks leading up to her suicide. It is not easy, not being enough for her to keep holding on. We always accused her of being cryptic…But my last conversation was clear as a bell. It will ring forever in my ears.

“It’s never been about you Mum. Bye. I love you.”

Her last text to me until the unending silence . A last gift. A last kindness. Even in her pain she sought to soothe. That’s why I love her. That’s why I’ve always loved her. Because she loved me. It was the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.❤️

Posted in 2018

Once again~ vcl©️

Through my window

I watch the snow fall.

I am on the qui vive as it feathers down.

Almost apologetically, like a billowing bed sheet;

Collectively covering the ground’s

 Nakedness and the tree’s limbs.

The picnic table stands in lonely, frozen silhouette.

Pigeons pace and prattle.

I open the door

and step over the threshold.

A dog howls a mournful tune in the distance.

Closing the door behind me I am enveloped

in semi- darkness. The snowflakes stare back silently.

Only one street light beams.

I am clothed in my own exhaled breath.

Bleak winter has arrived, once again.

Posted in 2018

Christmas~ It makes us feel … vcl©

Christmas ~ It makes us feel.
We inwardly wail and gnash our teeth
Or stoically keep a stiff upper lip
We wrap our gifts
Trim the tree, rearrange the Nativity…
And in the ritual, hope
To pass along the memories
To those who listen
Perhaps our children
Paying tribute to those we miss
Playing down the agonies
Elevating the bliss
A seasonal thaw, as if walking on stones
On the winter river
Frozen in place but beauteous ever
We find ourselves transfixed in this space
We’ve set aside for lost warm embrace.
And we hold it tight
For it is all we have
This celebration of lives lived, loved and lost
 Consoling ourselves that we are present
With our presence, the best present,
Not a memory erased, hoping to return
At the end of the new glittery year that awaits.