I’ve found true joy comes from serving others. If you are feeling blue, turn on your servants heart and it will bless you. Unknown.
I’ve been feeling blue. Life hasn’t followed the pattern I expected. I’ve agonized over who’s to blame and have no concrete answer.
I do know I feel too much. Truly, these last couple of years have been arduous. Words are spoken or not. Decisions get made or not. I’ve felt that the world is an unkind and unsafe place for the most part. I’ve found myself asking “If you can’t trust your tribe who can you trust?” Where is the loyalty, the trust? Everybody scurries for cover when you ask the hard questions.
I can’t fix everything. There, I’ve said it out loud. Actually a lot of things aren’t fixable in this world. More stuff is made to be disposable. Even the toaster eventually quits toasting. But you don’t feel the same pain throwing the toaster in the trash as when someone you love trashes you.
The pain is real. But reading the above quote this morning I was reminded that the world is full of other people who feel blue and if I look beyond myself they show up. Every day. People who appreciate your words of advice. People longing for words of hope. A hug. A coffee. I may never have the answers I crave in this world, but I can concentrate on how I respond to the sadness my heart feels every day. I choose joy in service. It’s what I do. I do it because I want to. I do it because it gives me joy. It eases the burden.
I’ve turned on my servant’s heart and I don’t want to shut it off. ❤️
Give not over thy soul to sorrow and afflict not thyself in thy own counsel. Gladness of heart is the life of man and the joyfulness of man is length of days. Ecclesiastes
Today my husband was blessed with another birthday. He has been blessed so far with 66 of them🤭 Today we were again reminded that his father passed away at the young age of 59. He did not have the opportunity to grow old.
Each year that passes finds us having the same discussion…what he must have felt leaving this world too soon. Now, he had heart problems and finally a stroke, but as I look back I remember sitting in the hospital thinking how quiet and resigned he seemed to be. I was young. I didn’t know how to tell him that I would miss him not being there. Then my husband’s aunt passed away in her 59th year. That felt scary. Heart disease runs in the family said the Dr to my husband and he was also at risk. He was assured that exercise and healthy eating were better for him than Perogies and sour cream. ❤️
The year my husband turned 59 was really stressful, and felt he had dodged a bullet …in fact when he hit his 60th we celebrated with a big party. Each year since has felt like a victory.
But ironically we have also learned that longevity has its downside. Aches and pains we didn’t have at 59, people asking when are we retiring….when we aren’t ready to think that way yet, children that don’t have the same time for us, grandchildren growing and finding their own interests. Life adjustments. Finding where we fit, what we’re fit for.
i took this picture of flowers awhile ago on one of our vacations. In observing it, I am reminded that some flowers have short lifespans and others are perennial….but they all spread a joyful essence to the atmosphere they inhabit. The natural world has an order to be envied if you observe closely. I am mindful that all time in this earthly space is short and seasonal. But it can be oh so beautiful.
So we celebrate another year. We will be glad in the length of our days.🤩
It is the time of year again
I hear the autumn call
In the cool brisk north wind
The whispering willows
Do their thing
Dropping leaves that cover
Things that will not be found
Till spring. And the last birds sing.
Those birds, they sing of everything
They have seen, soaring near and far
Flying high as they return
From whenst they came
Stealing grain, singing of
The journey home again
Slipping away to warmer climes
Life renewed. On the other side.
Oh how I longed to be
The roots of trees,
Anchored deep into the earth
To sway contentedly in the breeze.
But I see that I’m destined to be
The leaves that scatter free,
Travelling along in my little world
Anchored to no one else but me.
I thought of you today
as standing in a cope of trees
nearly naked limbs dangling
in autumn’s rheumy breeze
i glimpsed you in the broken light
refracted through the falling leaves
too bright still, restless, mortal
beams spilling through the edges
I thought of you today
Here and there, and in between.
One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.⠀ Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums⠀
I can identify with Jack. Sometimes in an attempt to find the right words that will allow me to communicate with you, dear readers, I find myself with nothing to say. Nothing. Sometimes that makes my friends and family nervous. Because it’s not that I don’t have words. I have tons of words. Words that weave and dance, that caress and cajole but usually they are more complicated than I wish. I occasionally need to look for simple.
So I went to the sea, Cuba. Sunshine. Sand. Sleep.
I went to the sea today
Raised finger tips
to sun kissed lips
Tasted the salt
Of a thousand tears
Words that have never been heard
Just evaporated, disappeared.
~I feel recharged. We are and then we are not. Simple as that. 💫