Today I am mindful of memories. of warmer climes, warm breezes cold lemonade and daisies.
I feel regret for things that no longer are
Or will be exactly so again.
As I focus on the memories, I press them to my heart
Crushing the sweet fragrance of their blooms and inhale
Hello friends. It has been a sad, slow journey since the untimely death of one of our daughters. I find it difficult to put words to page these days. A few months before she passed away, in a happier moment, my husband and I bought a vacation package to Las Vegas for New Years.
We aren’t gamblers, but enjoy the relaxed atmosphere of the many entertainment venues and eateries available. Visiting the hotels with all kinds of interesting stuff is a treat. One particular favourite stop of mine is the Art Gallery at the Bellagio. It is a small innocuous spot nestled along the busy promenade where visiting artists are showcased.
This last visit was spectacular in its simplicity. Perhaps it was my melancholy that perceived it this way, but the exhibit by the Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama was riveting to me. As the picture shows, it is just a collection of stainless steel polished globes. They are all grouped. But they are not randomly placed. The interesting thing is that they are arranged in such a way that no matter where you stand in the room you can see your reflection in the balls. It is named The Narcissus Garden.
The story of Ms. Kusama is really intriguing . You can check out her website here. I’ve included her picture. Spoiler alert….she has an obsession with dots. She also continues to wrestle with the big question of who we are and where are we going. As do I. ❤️ Then there is my experience in the Infinity Room. More on that later.
True story: While grocery shopping the clerks always asked if they could help me carry my groceries. When I was younger I felt quite offended. In fact one time I responded with a terse “I’ll let you know when I need help” as I picked up my 40 bags and struggled to the car. By the time I dragged them home I had broken out into a cold sweat. My husband offered to help, but I waved him away intent on proving that things were lighter than they looked.
Sometimes we are unwilling to let someone help make our burdens “light”. We would rather struggle along self righteously or indignantly wearing ourselves out, perhaps not wanting to be seen as weak… ignoring the help that is offered. How silly it seems now.
Sometimes the heavens
Have ceased to hear me
I speak to the silent earth
I pray to the god of the lesser things
The god of everyday birds
Who offers nothing
Just sits on the edge of each new day
watches the unraveling of life
In unexpected ways
Pecking on empty seeds
Idly observes the demons
Wipes no tear stained cheeks
Lingers sullenly, consumed ,
Silently taunts my humanness
It’s not giving up really, just a bitter cup
Move along, there’s nothing to see here
Just a lesser god doing nothing
Except reminding me of my weaknesses
Daring me to give the heavens another chance.
photo : Ondrej Pakan