Today I wanted to hold
Not chain your soul to the chiseled blocks
of raw silence
promises so brittle
come and gone.
I had no words
one by one at the news that you had left
had just been passing through
I had no sound
my words evaporated
to the ground
to the silent earth
conjured up prayers
that taste like stale communion bread
on my tongue
seeking nourishment for
*Aztec stone sculpture
Let me ask you this: What’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to you? How quickly can you recall this memory? Now try this one on: What are the most hurtful words anyone’s ever said to you? What about instances where the words uttered weren’t even intentionally mean, but they still stung deeply? I suspect this list would be the longest. Words that sting have a way of lingering.
My daughter’s untimely death has caused me to remember conversations, especially in the final weeks leading up to her suicide. It is not easy, not being enough for her to keep holding on. We always accused her of being cryptic…But my last conversation was clear as a bell. It will ring forever in my ears.
“It’s never been about you Mum. Bye. I love you.”
Her last text to me until the unending silence . A last gift. A last kindness. Even in her pain she sought to soothe. That’s why I love her. That’s why I’ve always loved her. Because she loved me. It was the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.❤️
Our favorite reindeer
Whose nose glows mindfully
*Poetry style ~ 1-2-3-4-1
Through my window
I watch the snow fall.
I am on the qui vive as it feathers down.
Almost apologetically, like a billowing bed sheet;
Collectively covering the ground’s
Nakedness and the tree’s limbs.
The picnic table stands in lonely, frozen silhouette.
Pigeons pace and prattle.
I open the door
and step over the threshold.
A dog howls a mournful tune in the distance.
Closing the door behind me I am enveloped
in semi- darkness. The snowflakes stare back silently.
Only one street light beams.
I am clothed in my own exhaled breath.
Bleak winter has arrived, once again.